Seasons

It was once I moved to the Upper Midwest that I first experienced the seasons. A bitter cold winter turns into spring with life bulging out of the ground and flowers budding.  A hot summer day giving way to the death of fall.  I saw the physical change of the season and thought that was all it is - the beautiful result of temperature and daylight changes.

But seasons really are so much more.  Time Markers.

I saw it right in front of me for the first time - time passing - physically, day by day.  Seasons come and go and time ticks only to be marked by these changes.

Our lives have seasons too - time markers.   Some of us name them.

The summer I lost my mom.  The year I was diagnosed with cancer.  The winter I miscarried.  That year we went to Europe.  The month we got engaged.  

Our seasons might be marked with new life, new hope like spring.  But others are more like fall - watching time pass and life wither.  Our season can be long, and dark, and cold.  It can take so much longer to get through it than we bargained for.  We can be ill-prepared - like trudging through thick snow in a bathing suit, arguing that life is unfair and cruel and bodies are weak.  Or it can be sweet and joyful - breezing by with hope and contentment, distracting us with its sweet elixir until the day we wake up and realize its gone - wishing we could do it again, not take it for granted.

I marked the beginning of a new season today.  A season marked by a decision I didn't want to make with an outcome I wouldn't choose, but has to be nonetheless.  Sometimes seasons come when we don't want them to.  And I know in the big picture this season will not last long, and will not be as painful as it feels right now, but from today - the first step, the journey seems long and my heart aches.  Is there any other way?  I have been on this journey before and I am already aware of the answer.  I must accept the season.  And not just endure - as if I was new life crouching, hidden in the bark or a bulb in frozen ground awaiting warmer days - oh no!  I must spring forth with life like crocus popping through a fresh layer of snow in the spring knowing that the thaw is coming.

The vibrant purple flowers mark the bold emergence of first life.

I must show joy and hope in the midst of the season trusting that this too, is for my good - to prepare me for the next season God brings me to - easy or difficult, short or long - a season picked for me by the One who heaps blessings on His children. 

Acts 14:17
"Yet he has not left himself without testimony: He has shown kindness by giving you rain from heaven and crops in their seasons; he provides you with plenty of food and fills your hearts with joy.”

In this season too, I will praise His name.

What season are you in?

Habits

I wake up barely being able to walk - my hamstrings reminding me that yesterday morning's workout was something my body was not used to.  Yesterday it was my arms and back that was aching.  Sore muscles stretched and called upon to lift weights and make movements they have not been challenged to do in a while.  Doesn't it always start out this way? The body fatigues and groans when new demands are placed upon it.

I stop my hobbled movement with the realization that every habit begins this way, even habits of the heart.

At initial planning the establishment of the habit is born out of optimism, eagerness, and confidence.  We determine to do something - Bible memorization, consistent prayer, journaling - with the best of intentions. We make lists, buy notebooks, print off schedules - all with hopeful expectation that some area of our life will be forever changed.  And then we begin.  The first day feels good.  We may spend most of the time just getting our bearings and deciding out how to go about the whole thing, but all in all, we feel good.  The second or third day is when the pain hits.  We find reasons to skip this one day, or only put in a half effort.  Our habit muscles are sore, and life is so demanding. 

Muscle is developed through challenge - changing the way we used to do things and beginning something anew.  The pushing and pulling breaks us out of consistency and complacency and strengthens our spirit-muscles.  When adversity strikes, we are better able to pull out our super-hero abilities because we have trained ourselves to use power that is beyond ourselves - the Holy Spirit, the Word of God.

Muscle is developed through repetition - the daily use and commitment. The soreness from this new regimen can disappear in two ways:
1. by refraining from exercising altogether, which will remove the pain, but leave my body unchanged
-or-
2. by continuing with the exercise, which allows my body to adapt to the new demands placed on it.

Our spirit-habits are the same way.  We can slip back into the old way of doing things to avoid the pain, frustration, or inconvenience and remain unchanged. Or we can continue the habit and allow it to transform us.

The question is, what will I choose? 

Hebrews 12:1-4 "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

Christ chose the cross.  He traded pain and condemnation for real results.  He fixed his eyes on the Father's will.  Let us "fix our eyes on Jesus the author and perfecter of our faith." Choose to continue the new habit until our spirits adjust to the change, and it becomes a part of who we are.  The new muscles will form, the pain will subside, and out faith will be stronger.

What new spirit habit are you working on?

The Woman

A familiar stranger comes to visit me, in the still of the morning. Her quiet, gentle spirit soothes my soul. Words that are kind and re-assuring are spoken by her. They bring comfort, and convince me that today is a day that will matter - a day where memories are made among an inquisitive six year old, an active three year old, and a 20 month old with a smile that brightens my world. For a moment, my life seems serene - so perfect and blessed, magnified as I become re-acquainted with the Woman.

I cannot describe her outward appearance, for it is difficult to discern. Her beauty within shines so brightly, that I never notice what her physical features hold. Except her hands. They cradle her coffee cup. Larger hands really, than I would expect. Hands that appear calloused from hard labor, but at the same time, guiding, tender, and soft. We visit silently about life, talking to God, praying, reading, and resting.

Somewhere in my ponderings, I hear the pitter patter of little feet upstairs, and She quietly leans back in her seat. Already, her non-verbal communication indicating a separation from She and I. As the little feet descend the stairs and the familiar voice of a child sounds out with my name - "Mommy".........
 
You can read the rest of the post over here at (In)courage today, where I am writing to inspire and encourage women. Would you be so kind as to join me there?

Tired

I'm tired.  Well, the whole house is, really.  We have all caught this flu bug going around, and it really drains things.  It has drained the house of laughter, compassion and patience. It has drained the house of discipline, schedules, and structure.  We are in survival mode.  And let me tell you, survival mode stinks.

I'm not just talking about the piling of laundry, dishes and Kleenex.  Although, now that I mention it, that stinks too.

I'm talking about the piling of frustration, anxiety and irritation. 

Can't these kids just stop moving for one second?  Does it matter who had the toy first? - They haven't played with that toy in weeks and now they want it at the same time?  Can they just ask for something to drink rather than whine for it?  Is there some sort of rule that when one kid cries, everyone has to find their own reason to join in? Gabe is hungry, Ryan is mad, Robby hit his head and Becca found the bracelet Robby broke last week.  Tears ensue, both from the kids, and welling inside of me as I grasp for patience and compassion in a clammy, tired body who just wants peace and rest.

I always want peace and rest.

Even when my body is well, my spirit yearns for peace and rest.  And just like now, the emptying of me - all I have left to give, my strivings, my ambitions, my plans, my energy, my emotions - when I find myself empty, at the foot of the cross, it is then that I am filled.  Filled with peace and rest.

He fills me up.  He gives me just enough patience for another moment, just enough compassion to see the situation in a different light.  He unfolds a new perspective - one that looks from the eyes of eternity, the eyes of a Father.  When I pray, "Lord, I have nothing left to give.  Nothing left to be taken from me.  I am one second short of a welling, tear-ridden ball of mess - one two-year-old tantrum away from collapse."  I will remember that of anyone, He knows what it means to be emptied - and Oh, so much more!  When they whipped him with metal-laden straps, ripping his flesh, he had nothing left to give.  When the crown of thorns pierced his head and blood flowed, when they nailed him, nearly naked to wooden beams, He had nothing left to give. And yet, he did not cry out in his anguish - "Father, I am empty, and yet they demand more".  Instead, he looked at his feet where his mother stood and spoke words of comfort and security, arranging for her welfare in the midst of His death. 

So when I feel empty, and another little hand is pulling me for more than I feel I have left to give, I will not pretend I am the one on the cross sacrificing myself for my children.  Oh no, the focus is not on me or my sacrifice. 

No, I will be Mary, humbly at the feet of Jesus begging for His provision, and knowing He provides.

Snow

The snow falls silently - big flakes finding their rest.  The little ones and I are leaving the doctor's office in the evening and I am eager to be home.  I shepherd them to the car, but the oldest lingers.  I had climbed in the car to get the boys buckled in, and was growing impatient when I caught sight of her.  She is six years old, and thinks snow is beautiful.  "Just look at it all!" she says, large flakes landing in her hair, caressing those pink cheeks.  She sticks her tongue out to taste them and twirls.  I stop. What happened to the mystery?  When a snowfall was an adventure, and something to be enjoyed?  Is time pushing me, or am I pushing time - always in a hurry to get somewhere, to accomplish something, to check something off the list?

I wonder. When did life get so nearsighted? Task to task, appointment to appointment, meal to meal?  The wonder of creation, water rising to the clouds and falling back again.

She looks beautiful.  I breathe.

Sometimes we just need to breathe. To inhale life slowly, and to exhale with understanding and contentment.

The boys can wait.  I climb back outside of the van and stand in the white sparkling flakes, cold and tender on my cheeks.  I breathe. And time stops.

Focus

I wonder what resources I could use for a family devotional - you know - one that might work for four kids under six.  We have tried ones in the past that leave us reprimanding the kids to pay attention more than instilling in them Biblical truths.  We need one that is consistent, that we don't try a few times and then cast aside in the busyness.

I look for more verses for the kids to memorize - which ones will remind them how we expect them to behave?  Or how about them memorizing ones on obeying, complaining, fighting - the ones that most often address the things I am disciplining them for. Wouldn't that make my life easier?

Which Bible would be best to read to the kids? Is it this one or that one? - Should I question them about what they are learning, or are they too young for that?  Should I suggest that my oldest child, just beginning to read well, read her own Bible?

They could memorize events in the Bible.  We could study people in the Bible.  We could talk about creation. We could make crafts about Bible characters or events.  We could draw pictures.  We could color pages, sing songs, and chant hymns. We could.......

What Then?

The fact is, I have tried many of these things, and struggle to keep some consistency to them.  But somewhere, I hear a whisper that focusing on these things just gets us acting like Christians.  It gives us head knowledge, and gives me false comfort that the kids will somehow become closer to God through study. 

While study is important, the real factor that will change them is a loving momma who is fully, clearly, devoted to Christ.  If I individually focus on Christ instead of these things, knowing and trusting in Him more each day, I will be modeling that which is required of God.

Don't get me wrong - disciplined study and intentionality in pursuing God as a family is crucial. It teaches children to be more disciplined and gives them a curiosity to learn more about who God is.  But more important, is a heart filled with love for Him - that which will give us life, pour out into our families, build and sustain relationships, have eternal meaning.  It should be an intricate knitting of God to our children as they become woven into the fabric of our walk with Christ.

That's Great, but How?

It always comes back to surrendering, doesn't it?  The pain of the nail pounding through the flesh, breathing when it is hard to breathe, submitting when my will seems so strong - I hesitate. Sometimes surrender hurts.

And yet full surrender is what God calls us to.  Not to bring us pain, but to free us to experience true joy.  Where we can say with the apostle Paul - "I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." (Philippians 4:12, NIV)

When we take each moment - and show gratitude for it. When we look at the responsibilities placed before us and lift them up to God as a work of service for Him. When we choose to recite the truth of scripture rather than have anger-building, fear-attacking, resentment-growing conversations in our minds. When we realize that our children are people, given to us for a short time to train to be adults, not possessions to mold.  When we trust in His word and fall on His grace, and we give that same grace to others. 

So I do this in the best way I know how - one day at a time - falling, tripping, running, crawling, rejoicing and sobbing at the feet of Jesus in all circumstances....and looking up.

Matthew 17:8 "When they looked up, they saw no one except Jesus."

Proverbs 3:1-6
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight."

Order

I remember even when she was just one year old she would line up her little toys in a straight line across the floor.  One time when she had turned to get a few more toys, I nudged one out of order.  She looked back, and noticing the one out of order, she glared up at me, pushing it back in line.  We laughed. 

When she was two I remember staying in a hotel one night while traveling with my Mom and sister.  She was trying to lay out her small pink blankie - the one she took everywhere.  For ten minutes, she would hold onto the corners of the blanket and flush it into the air.  She became more and more frustrated and then the tears flowed.  She wanted the blanket to fall to the floor and lay out perfectly.  I laid the blanket out for her and she curled up on top of it, falling quickly to sleep.

I could try to recall the numerous times this type of situation has replayed itself in some way during my little girl's six years of life.  Maybe it was at her parent-teacher conference in Preschool when the teacher mentioned that Beca would return to the toy shelf after the others had picked up, to put the toys in order.  Or the time when I asked her to put the shoes back away and she sorted the entire pile of her and her siblings shoes by color and use.  Becca likes order.

Last week I taught Becca how to load the dishwasher.  After a few times of loading it together, I decided that yesterday would be her first solo attempt at it.  I brought her the stepstool to get started, and then left her to her task for fear I might exasperate her with constant instruction if I stayed in the room.  A half an hour later, I checked on her. She was upset that the task was taking so long.  Peering into the dishwasher, I noticed why.  She had sorted the silverware and arranged it in the basket.  She had sorted the cups, and they were all grouped by type with handles perfecly aligned.  Hearing her soft tears of frustration as she said, "This is taking so long!" I responded, "they don't have to be in order sweat pea, they just have to be clean."  I hesitated.

My soul had heard the same message that just spilled from my lips - "you don't have to be in order, you just need to be clean."

Don't I do the same thing with God?  I strive to get myself in order, my life in order before I come to Him.   He whispers come to me first - before you are clean, before you are orderly.  It is Christ and the Holy Spirit who makes order out of chaos, peace out of panic.  He spoke and the world came to be - a world that reflects the orderly nature of God.  He kissed my body into life inside my birth mother's womb - a body with systems, processes, things neatly bundled and packaged -orderly.

That day in the garden, when Adam saw only what he didn't have, rather than what he did - order, perfection, holy communion with God - that was the day disorder entered the world, and we have been fighting it ever since.  It shows up in our marraiges, in our relationships with our children.  It shows up in our frustration, in our laziness, in our hearts and minds when we still today, look at what we don't have (materialism, power, self-focus) rather than what we do (God himself - a free gift, a complete gift). 

I wonder if I need to correct my six year old - to let her know that her world will not always be in order.  No, the world will do that.  She will have failures, competitions lost, plans disrupted, cheese moved.  I can train her today though, to look to the true God who orchestrates order.  To know in her heart what really matters - perfection of self? No.  Perfection of situation? Not possible.  But perfection in Christ - to be made perfect daily - minute by minute through the washing of His word - his grace falling on us over and over again, cleansing us from our wickedness, and dare I say, the sins I will still commit.

"We don't need to be in order, we just need to be clean".

May the pieces of my life be arranged by His plan, not my own.  May I find peace and assurance in His hands, not my own.  May my heart know that this orderly world was created for our pleasure, to bring us to Him, not to the world.

Recognition

It happened just days ago, his little face staring up at mine - searching, wondering and then, there it was - a smile.  Not one of those newborn smiles brought on by gas - but a real one.  He moved his arms frantically, lifted his chin and a small sound escaped from deep within.  A sound that said that all the long nights, the constant nursings - giving of myself to this tiny child have meant something, have created a bond.  He recognizes his momma.  After weeks of cradled closeness, skin-to-skin, drinking in life - he sees me.  His face and voice express joy and contentment, and I can't help but wonder.....

Is this how we really begin to see God?

Are we born again, pulled close to Him, nursing from his Word - the breath of Life?  When we spend time with Him - inconvenient hours - sharing words in the middle of the night, in the middle of the day - pausing to drink - no, gulp - the sweet milk from our Father.  Is this how we see Him?  Do we recognize Him because we have smelled His essence - our breath has fallen against his chest?  The peaceful breaths of satisfaction, the deep sighs of discontentment, the gasps for air when we face trial - has He felt that breath as we draw near to Him? Do we smile because we know that "no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless"?  Is our smile like some family pictures - forced and uncomfortable, or is it an innocent expression of joy? Does our body tremble with excitement as we utter a small, frail voice to the God of Creation?  Are we like infant children, resting in His Grace and trusting in Him.

The baby coos and giggles and I memorize the moment - I soak in the way the skin under his eyes wrinkles, his eyes sparkle, his lips - pink and full - curve around a toothless grin. And there they are - the hint of dimples in soft, plush cheeks.  A thought steals into my moment....

Is this how God really sees me?

Does God cradle me in His arms, and memorize my face - the face of His child?  Am I a helpless babe - in need of saving, in need of gracious gifts from my Father?  Does He clothe me and clean up my messes - even the really dirty ones?  Do I scream when I need something and sleep content when I am satisfied?  Is there a world I need protection from - things that lure or injure?  Does God lather my tender heart with lotion to soothe the chafing brought on by imperfect people in an imperfect world?  Does He anxiously await the moment.................oh, that precious moment...........when we finally look up and see Him?  Really see Him?  The sound of our voice reaches His ears and He recognizes what He has known all along, and what we are just beginning to see.....
We are His.

Clutter

A few screwdrivers, scissors, nails, tape, batteries, buttons, remotes long forgotten, rubberbands, and more are lying in a drawer affectionately named the "junk drawer".  A basket on one shelf holds loose change, extra pens, more buttons, paperclips, a princess lip gloss, and a token for free ice cream.  I am pretty sure we all have them - drawers, cabinets, shelves, baskets, an area where things accumulate.  Things that may be related to each other, but they are piled or dumped and slowly build with no real organization or sorting.  Other times the items might be random, thrown there during the mayhem of guests arriving.

I have been working on these places.  Picking one and sorting through the items.  A pile for goodwill, a box full of things to give to friends or family, a bag to store in the basement or attic - I sort the items until they are in their rightful place.  I move from one area to the next over days, and what I fear might take weeks as I add one more drawer or cabinet to the list.

We also have these drawers and cabinets in areas which might be hard to find - deep within our spirit.  We stuff things in there at times - an emotion here, a denial there, words here,  resentment there.  These things pile up until they begin bulging out of their space, and one day the door flies open and they all spill out.  We need to go through these areas too.  We need to process things that we have tucked away - deal with the emotion, let go of the words said.  We need to throw things out, give them away, or put them in their proper place and perspective.  As we sift through these places in our lives, and expose their contents to our Lord, he assists us in cleaning out the area, tidying up, and replacing it with clean and simplistic living.  A life with focus and meaning, and not stifled by the clutter of things in the past.

Psalm 51:1-12
"Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.

For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.
Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight;
so you are right in your verdict
and justified when you judge.
Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb;
you taught me wisdom in that secret place.

Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.

Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. "

Changed

A new year sets in, and I find myself doing the same thing I do every year - setting personal goals and making lists of things to finally get done.  Each year the list is similar - sometimes more hefty than others, but always leaning towars over doing it - finish that entire list of Christian books I have not yet gotten to, read through the Bible twice this year, memorize a book of the Bible, write in my journal daily, pray three times a day, etc.  Somewhere in my planning something is lost, and even as I begin implementing my well-thought out plans, I know deep down they have the scent of failure.  I know this because I have done this before.  Some say "it is better to try and fail than fail to try", and so I keep planning.

In the past when I have failedto consistently implement these plans, I tell myself - if I could only devote all my time to reading the scripture, praying, memorzing, meditating, THEN I would be changed.  THEN I would be made new in rapid fashion - metamorphosizing into the Christian wife, mother and woman I want to be.  I just need more time, less distraction, less responsibilities. 

"Happy is the land whose king is a nobleman and whose leaders feast only to gain strength for their work, not to get drunk." ~Ecclesiastes 10:17

This type of thinking - the one that suggests a life surrounded by Godly things will make me more Godly, is not biblical at all. When I yearn for seclusion with God, I am a leader choosing to get drunk.  I want a full meal every time - the cups overflowing with the fruit of the true Vine - but so much knowledge only gets me lazy and intoxicated with God.  It does not make disciples.  It does not fish for men.  It does not make new.  I am comfortable and know the right answers, but I am unchanged.  Instead, I need to be a leader who eats just enough for the battle - who nourishes thier soul long enough to work another day.  I need to soak in only that which can be digested in one sitting - that which fills the inner parts of my body with spiritual vitamins of joy, peace, and encouragement.  Rather than trying to do it all - maybe a piece at a time is a better approach?  I also need to push myself away from the table - to take on the rest of my day - not leaving God behind, but bringing Him with me.  I can't spend my time lying down drunk on the knowledge and love of God and not share it with others.  Those responsibilites, challenges and duties of the day-to-day life that at times I am so eager to shed in order to be able to focus more on God are not obstacles!  You see, they are not a distraction from God, but an opportunity He has given me to make me grow, to reach others for Christ, to be a light in this dark world!

So I am going to set aside some of my godly ambitions this year.  Don't get me wrong - it is important to read your Bible!  It is important to pray regularly!  Scripture memorization can be life that sustains you!  But setting human goals to accomplish all of this makes it duty, not joy.  Makes it purpose, not pleasure.  Makes it my work, not God's.  At the end of a year based on those ambitions (my own ambitions), I might be tired, weak, and unchanged.  However, at the end of a year of tasteful bites that I have savored, God may have developed my taste buds.  He may change me in a way that makes no other meal satisfy than one given by Him alone.  And THAT is what I yearn for.  To be completely changed - made new through the power of Christ, and not by my own strength. 

Oh Lord, develop my tastebuds for you so that only your word can satisfy.  Teach my muscles to move only through your strength and my heart to be driven by your will and compassion. ~ Karen

Interlaced

Our new little blessing was born just 10 days ago.  This picture was taken just seconds after he was born.  Notice how his fingers are interlaced with one another.  The nurse said she had never seen that before.  I marveled at this little miracle, and wondered about the man he will become.

His hands foreshadowed the interlocking of our lives, woven together over time and shared with one another intimately.  Sometimes the fingers slide seamlessly together, interlocking in unity and love.  Other times, the fingers may chafe each other, unable to find their perfect fit.  How will this little one's hands fit into the fabric of our family?  Will he find peace and comfort and security?  His little hands fold as if in prayer, and I pray with him.

Many years ago, another child was born, and He too would foreshadow an interlocking of life.  His hands would hold the power to heal, and to comfort.  They would intertwine with those who believed in Him.  His hands would fold in prayer to His Heavenly Father, and beg for the cup to be taken from Him.  His palms would be pierced, and arms spread wide across a wooden post.  He did not find peace and comfort and security. 

Yet his hands still beg us to come, to interlock our lives with Him - to be united with a Heavenly family.  As we lace our fingers into His hands - the ones with the scars of eternal love etched into their palms - we find peace, comfort and security.  We find our Family.  We find our Father. We are born again.

Surrender

I remember it clearly.  Her warm body, lying on my stomach.  She had been placed there seconds ago, but as I gazed down, I could only see the back of her head and her shoulders.  I had been waiting for this child, this daughter that I began to know in my womb over the last nine months, and here she was.  She entered the world, and I longed to see her.  I asked the nurse, "Can I move her?" - not knowing what to do as a first-time mom, scared that I would somehow injure her.  The nurse looked back at me and lovingly replied, "Of course you can, She's yours!".  She's mine.  She's mine.  The words gravitated deep down into my soul.  This child was mine - a gift from God, and she was mine.  But more than that, I was responsible for this new life - her happiness at that moment was dependent upon me.  The task seemed so great, and my experience so small.

I look at her now at six years old, and there are days when I have to repeat - She's mine.  Mine to guide, mine to protect.  The thing that strikes me to my core now though, is not the idea that she belongs to me, but the fact that I belong to her.  I am the mother that she will model her motherhood after.  My life explains to her how a Christian woman should walk with Christ.  My shortcomings reveal to her that it is ok to make mistakes.  My words show her how to express emotions, and how to build or tear down relationships. 

I thought the first few days were hard -  a newborn that I had no idea how to care for.  These days are much harder.  Willl I ever become the woman I want her to be?  If I never get there, how will she?  The answer comes in the quiet, when I fall back on my knees and disclose all that I am lacking to my Heavenly Father.  He reassures me that she doesn't need to see a perfect mother - she needs to see a perfect God.  And somewhere in the stillness, in the aching for renewal, I remember this truth:  "God is most glorified when I am most satisfied in Him."  His perfection is revealed most gloriously when I am surrendered - fully surrendered to Him.  While striving to be that "woman", my daughter focuses more on my struggles, but if I let go, she sees Him.

Lord, help me to let go - to turn to your word, to your voice, to your will, instead of mine.  Help me to surrender my children to your care, so that they may know you more.  Help my voice be small and gentle.  May your glorious perfection be revealed in a woman fully surrendered.  Amen.

Due Date

I have been waiting, anticipating this day. The last nine months of hopeful excitement anticipating the new child in our family, and worry and concern that everything in the pregnancy goes well. It really is a long time – nine months. The day has arrived – my due date, and I am still awaiting this miracle.


She waited too, only her wait was much longer than 9 months. She suffered the aching, yearning for a child that lasted years. Through tests, doctors visits, answers that provided more questions than hope, and finally the realization that the best way for them to have a family would have to be through adoption. Even that process was long, and personal. Never sure of what the outcome would be.

I feel uncomfortable, aware of the baby lying low in my pelvic bone. I toss and turn at night, unable to find rest. It is hard for me to breathe – the baby now big enough to crowd my lungs. Contractions start and stop, at times teasing me that perhaps today is the day. When will the day of birth come?

She felt defeated, unable to lay hold of the dream of a child, and subject to the whim of a birth mother, or the agency in placing a child in their arms. It would keep her up at night. It was hard for her to breathe – anticipating, always waiting, always wondering. Her muscles contracted when she cried. Tears of anticipation, and tears of frustration. When would her baby’s due date come?

The hope of a child – as real as life itself. Two mothers, two generations.

She receives a call – twins. Not one child, but two – more than she had dared to hope for. God answered her pleas, but surpassed her expectations. He provided for her above and beyond her requests. Her heart leaps with joy and assurance in His provision. The babies arrive safely, and meld into the family unit. A complete family. A living, breathing reminder of God’s grace.

I await that moment – it will be different for me. I was the baby She had longed for. My twin brother and I filled the heart of a woman longing to give love to a tiny person crafted by God. The child in my womb is the grandchild – loved and conceived out of God’s grace and mercy to parents who don’t deserve such a miracle, but hope for one nonetheless. And God delivers. He heaps His blessings upon our family – not just fulfilling them, but surpassing them. We give thanks.

Ephesians 3:14-21:
“For this reason I kneel before the Father,  from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen. “

Slow Seconds

His head rests gently over my shoulder, his shoulder curving around my neck.  The arm on the outside of his body drapes over my shoulder and I can feel his fingertips brush the back of my arm.  My neck fits snuggly, like his body was created to be cradled.  I rest my head on his head.  He breathes deeply.  He had come over and lifted his chubby little arms up to me, his eyes bright with expectation.  I could tell he knew I would lift him up.  I would hold him despite being uncomfortably 39 weeks pregnant.  I would hold him despite not feeling well.  I would hold him even though it is 2 hours past his bedtime, and I am ready to be resting.  I would hold him because today, our friends buried their 7 month old, and they will never be able to hold him again.  I snuggled him close to me, and felt the warmth of his back.  My hand hesitated to feel him breathe - that breath of life - another day God has given us with this precious treasure.  I couldn't hold back my tears.  Tears of grief for that family, and tears of joy for my child.  He lifted his head and drew both arms around my neck in one big hug.  Too little to understand, and yet demonstrating love so perfectly. 

I pray for one more day with this child.  I pray that I am awakened to actually live in the moment, to cherish the times we have, and to let go of the dishes, baths, laundry and meals.  I pray that I notice the small moments, the tender kiss of a child, the relentless requests for assistance because they think I can do anything.  I pray that I bring them up to love the Lord.  I pray that I am as strong of a witness to God's grace and mercy as that mother was today in all of her pain and anguish.  May I love these children more because I know we are given precious seconds, and each second matters in the building and living of a life.  May these seconds be slow - slow enough to treasure, slow enough to savor, slow enough to see.  To really see.

Meaning to Life?

I walk upon this earthly ground
And seldom ponder life
That we should all come once by birth
And then to one day die.
What is this middle ground here for?
That chasm ‘tween birth and death?
A fraction of time, a group of seconds
Until eternal rest.
Should I say what skeptics say,
that this is all there is?
Or should I look to human kind
To explain this vast abyss?
Can a God out there exist who finds
Pure joy in knowing me?
And what does that imply for life
And all humanity?
I don’t think I like this questioning,
These thoughts of life and death
It’s easier to live inside my box,
That doesn’t ponder eternal rest.
But if I ignore that it exists,
It does not go away,
In fact the day grows closer still
That I begin decay.
So should I think about these things,
And decide what I want to be true,
For deep inside I know that I
Was meant to live for you.

Ok, so this poem is not about me, but I wanted to write something about someone who was struggling with the polar opposite views the world has to offer:
1. Meaning in life is only what we decide to create out of ourselves
-or-
2. Meaning in life exists for us to find - a truth that has to be accepted or uncovered. 

Thanks be to God that I know the Truth, and it has set me free! ~Karen

Pleasing God (Part Two - Knowing God)

Colossians 1:9-12

"For this reason we also, from the day we heard about you have not ceased praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so that you may live worthily of the Lord and please him in all respects - bearing fruit in every good deed, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might for the display of all patience and steadfastness, joyfully giving thanks to the Father who has qualified you to share in the saints' inheritance in the light."

We looked at this scripture last week and determined that according to Paul in his letter to the church in Colossae, God is pleased when:
*We bear fruit
*We grow in knowledge
*We rely on His Strength, showing patience and steadfastness
*We joyfully give thanks to God

We discussed bearing fruit and now we can move on to "growing in the knowledge of God".....

Wow. Where do we start with this? Clearly, I am not a biblical scholar. My knowledge of God comes primarily through scripture and my relationship with him (and the Holy Spirit since the Bible states that the Holy Spirit teaches us wisdom). I do not claim to be wise, and I don't have time at this season of my life to research and write a novel on the idea of knowing God, or growing in the knowledge of God. Therefore, I will just expand on that which I was mulling over related to this scripture and the concept of Knowing God.

Paul writes in Philippians 3:8 "What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ". Since it appears to suggest that our lives do not have any meaning when we do not know Christ, it must be pretty important. The question is, what does Knowing God mean?

Knowing God Vs. Knowing Of God
Have you ever had a conversation with someone and they ask, "Do you know Sally? You know, her parents are Mark and Peggy. They live over on Maple Drive?" To which you may respond, "Oh, sure I know her." What are you really saying? Are you saying you know Sally in the sense that you know your spouse? Or are you saying you know of her? Clearly, you are saying you know about her, but you really don't know her at all. If someone said they knew you after only having met you 10 minutes ago, would you be slightly bothered by that statement? I would. How could anyone presume to really know me after just ten superficial minutes of conversation? I think I am much more complex than ten minutes of conversation might suggest. These examples bring us to a few main points:

The depth that you can really know someone is limited by the willingness of the other party to disclose information about themselves to you.
Ever tried to get to know someone who wouldn't reciprocate the sharing of information? It is very difficult to establish a connection if the other party will not open up to you. The depth that you get to know them would be very shallow. In essence, you would not be able to say that you knew them, because you really know nothing about them. Even though you may have spent time together, it was not times of sharing, but just one sided. If another party will not allow you to learn about them, you will never understand who they are. It is the same way with God. If God does not disclose himself to you, you cannot begin to know Him. J.I. Packer writes in his book, Knowing God "The width of our knowledge about him [God] is no gauge of the depth of our knowledge of him". In other words, we can know a lot about him - we can study and memorize scripture to no end, but it doesn't mean we know God, it just means we know about him.

It takes time to truly get to know someone
Ever met someone and assumed you knew them only to find out that who you thought they are is completely different from who they now appear to be? We share ourselves gradually, over time. We develop relationships gradually, gaining understanding of one another. In order to get to know each other, we must spend time getting to know each other. That is one of the things that is so important about prayer. We must spend time with the God of this Universe, talking to Him if we want to get to know him. The lack of conversation with Him or reading his word will have us draw false conclusions that are built on our presumed knowledge, not on true knowledge uncovered through spending time with God.

It takes a personal relationship
Getting to know someone requires both parties to be involved. Just as you are uncovering and understanding the other party, the other party is establishing a relationship with you. It is a relationship that must be built on trust and honesty if it is to develop true knowledge of each person involved. How can we trust someone we do not know? If someone read a biography about my life, they might know a lot about me, but they would not truly know me at all. In order for them to know me, we must have a personal relationship. If someone says something false about me, a friend with a personal relationship might be able to defend me by saying, "I know Karen, and that does not sound like something she would do." That friend can justify her point of view because she actually knows me well enough to assume certain behaviors from me.  In the same way, we need a personal relationship with God in order to discern his will in our lives - how he would have us respond to certain situations, what he would have us invest our time in, etc.

It involves more than just intelligence
You can't only intellectually get to know someone within a personal relationship. When someone really knows you, they are emotionally connected and have a general concern for their good will. Packer writes, "They [two parties in a relationship] have identified themselves with, and so are personally and emotionally involved in, each other's concerns. They feel for each other, as well as thinking of each other. This is an essential aspect of the knowledge which friends have of each other; and the same applies to the Christian's knowledge of God." If we don’t have emotion behind a relationship - if it is only intellectual, it is hard to argue that there is any relationship at all. Now before you start to get nervous that I am suggesting that we should know God based on our flighty emotions - that is not what I am saying at all. But it is true that when we are part of a real relationship, we tend to emotionally care about the other's welfare and those things that are important to the other person. We should be the same way if we have a relationship with God. "Believers rejoice when their God is honored and vindicated and feel the acutest distress when they see God flouted."

Knowing God involves Grace
In order for us to develop a deep, true relationship with God, we must come to terms with the truth of who we are.  It is not as important that we know God, but that we know that He knows us. Obviously, we intellectually know that the Bible states that God is omniscient or all-knowing. We know intellectually that God knows us, but we don't really know within our spirit that God knows everything about us and loves us anyway. We have to begin to acknowledge and disclose the truth about who we are to God, so that there is room for his grace to work in our lives. In the same way that we may know about God, and not really know him, God may know about us, but not really know us. Thus the mystery of Matthew 7:22-23 "Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me you evildoers!'" For God to know us, it means that there is an intimate relationship. It is not a factual based knowledge, but a sovereign-grace based knowledge, pointing to God's initiative in loving, choosing, redeeming, calling and preserving us. It is the meaning described in passages like the following "And the Lord said to Moses, 'I am pleased with you and I know you by name' (Ex 33:17). "Before I formed you [Jeremiah] in the womb, I knew you, before you were born, I set you apart" (Jer 1:5) "I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me....and I lay down my life for my sheep....my sheep hear my voice; I know them....shall never perish (Jn 10:14-15, 27-28). Here we see that when God says he knows us, it is implying a saving grace, a redemption, personal affection, etc. God's love for the Christian whom he has chosen, is utterly realistic, based on fact, but supported with an emotional connection of true love and acceptance. What a blessing it is to be known by God!

Lord, as I go about my day today, help me to remember the importance of prayer, that continual communication within a relationship. Help me to be open and honest with myself before you. Thank you for the real, loving, personal relationship you offer to me. Let it be said on that day that you know me, and that I know you. ~Karen


Know Me
It was summers past in Sunday school, that I first heard your name.
You touched my heart and let me hear, the truth being proclaimed.
I knew the joy they talked about, just simply had to be.
I heard your gentle whisper say, “My child come, know me”

Through different towns and different schools, you protected me from pain
You gave me strength to live for you, in choices that I made.
When faced with friends who’d let me down, a comfort you would be,
And still I heard you softly whisper, “My daughter come, know me”

I went to college and there you put, desire down in my heart
To find out what this task of yours, to “know you” would impart
You used this time to train my mind, you made me ache for truth
I read so many books it seemed, that told me about you.
I sang about a rugged cross, and kneeled on bended knee,
And still I heard you softly whisper, “I want you to know me.”

These facts and figures I have learned, have taught me who I should be,
A Christian walk that’s filled with fruit, that other’s can plainly see.
But in this quest for intellectual truth, I seem to have made an error,
The command you give is still so firm, “Know Me” your voice says clearer.

So today you speak with strong resound, the knowledge that I seek
Cannot be found in wisdom of man, but by bowing at your feet.
A relationship built on opening my soul, to what you have to give
The grace that poured out on the cross, so that I may truly live.
To know you is to be your child, to walk with you on earth
To hear your voice instead of mine, and know my eternal worth.
I long to hear you say one day, when I arrive on high,
“I know that child, I’ve held her hand, as she walked by my side.”

The Battle

Lately I feel an overwhelming defense growing inside of me - a hesitation to absorb what seems to be a growing deception even among those teachers we trust. Something feels like we are being led astray. I am cautious, not wanting to condemn, not wanting to accept, not wanting to falsely accuse, and not wanting to make my thoughts self-righteous or pretend that I know more than someone else, that I know the truth and others don't. I am hesitant to do anything. I am not sure if this growing hesitation is a true reflection of what is out there, but it feels like the enemy is movng in. Something feels deceptive. I want to be aware. I want to be on guard. I feel the need to be in the Bible and pray. To be wary of all explanations of Biblical truth, including my own. I have never felt this burden of prayer or this vivid, moving concern over this growing evil that is moving. It is so deceptive! I am fearful that I too may be taken captive by some humanistic philosophy shrouded under a cloak of half-truths that I have followed from someone I percieve to be a Godly man or woman. I only have prayer and the scriptures to cling to. Don't get me wrong - I do not feel weak. But I do feel somewhat isolated. How can our society not see this real struggle, this real war that is surrounding us? How do we fight that which we cannot and do not acknowledge? We see the war and deny its existence! We see bodies strewn about, victims of this battle, and we step over them. We act like Satan is not a powerful, destructive, tactical foe. We pretend that we are benevolent Christians, bringing our feel-good philosphies to the world who just wanders about. we want to reach them, but we don't want to be too pushy. We don't want to come off like we have all the answers. We want them to drift towards God. This is not an amusement park, where we call people to our booth to convince them they will win by joining our team. This is a battle! This is life and death! We watch as our fellow Christians are led astray by deceptions! We watch as the lost wander aimlessly an easy target for an enemy who is anxiously, actively devouring! We tell ourselves that we just need to love people, to let them see God in our lives, that our actions alone will be enough to witness to people. Our enemy gives us this tactic. We have to preach the gospel! We have to tell people the truth! Yes, God is love - but not the kind of love defined by the world, which sacrifices itself to make others feel good. This is not about feeling good! True love hurts! True love has truth! True love exhibits justice! It fights evil! It defends righteousness! Our world is infiltrated with lies! Despicable behavior, lack of understanding, deceptive philosophies. True love exposes those lies! It may not feel like love the way it is defined by this world. But the definiton of love is GOD and HIS righteousness, not the other way around! When we say God is love, it does not mean that God exhibits what we define as love. It means GOD DEFINES WHAT LOVE IS! Truth! Righteousness!


Battles are not careful. War does not merge the two points of view. Tolerance is not a reality! It is not possible. In war, there are two ideals being fought for. You have to choose a side! The sides are at complete and utter opposites! We must pray for the success of Truth, of real Love - all of which is defined by God! We must stand for what is right! We don't only play defense, diggin in our heels and ducking inside the trench to protect ourselves from an advancing enemy. We have to play offense! We have to fight! We have to know what truth is before we can put on the belt of truth! We have to know what true righteousness looks like before we can put on the breastplate of righteousness. Our protection lies here! It lies in the truth found in scripture! It lies in Christ! Our protection must be born of Christ, and shrouded in the indwelling of the Holy Spirit in our lives. I cannot fight this on my own. I will be decieved. It is the power of Christ living in me that offers the only hope of salvation through this wasteland of destruction and lies. The smoke is rising. What side are you on? Just so you know, if you feel like there isn't a battle, that what I talk about is not really happening, not really important, then there is a good chance you are advancing the army of the enemy - and you just may be a soldier in that army!

I pray that Christ may reveal this battle to us as we move about the daily routines and activities. I pray that he will embolden us to pursue the Truth and speak about it to others. I pray that God's army might be stregthened - not only to endure the battle, but to overcome. I pray that we may be filled, encouraged and instructed by the Holy Spirit sent to us by Christ. Join the battle. Put on your armor, and fight! ~Karen

Pleasing God (part one)

Have you ever tried to please someone who thought they were perfect?  It's a losing proposition.  No matter how hard you try, you feel like it is never good enough.  Frustration ensues.  For some people, complacency sets in.  They give up, they quit trying.  "Why bother if it never seems to matter?" they ask themselves.  Others may have thier frustration lead them to rebellion.  "If I can't please them, I might as well do what I want to do" they might say.  "At least I will live my life my way, and have fun doing it!" Thier rebellion usually leads them somewhere they don't want to go, and thier happiness is elusive, darting around the next corner, the next road, the next unfulfilling relationship.

We serve a perfect God.  At times, I think our response can be like the ones I described above.  We view God as oppressive, as expecting too much out of us.  We strive for perfection in our own strength, defining that perfection from what we think God wants, and then we give up - tired, defeated, and sometimes a little rebellious.....

Colossians 1:9-12
"For this reason we also, from the day we heard about you have not ceased praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so that you may live worthily of the Lord and please him in all respects - bearing fruit in every good deed, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might for the display of all patience and steadfastness, joyfully giving thanks to the Father who has qualified you to share in the saints' inheritance in the light."

So what does this mean?  How does this scripture help us to serve a perfect God? According to this passage, we can quit defining our own ways to please God!  It directly addresses this issue. 

According to Paul in his letter to the church in Colossae, God is pleased when:
*We bear fruit
*We Grow in knowledge
*We rely on His Strength, showing patience and steadfastness
*we joyfully give thanks to God

Bearing Fruit - Developing Your Branches
Have you ever thought about planting a fruit tree.  I have.  I always run into the same problem.  It takes so long for it to bear fruit!  I would plant one, but I am not sure I want to put the time and energy into a tree that I amy never enjoy the fruit on.  We might move before then, and then it would all be a waste!  Sometimes I think the same way spiritually.  I know that I have the seed of life planted within me.  It needs to grow, to be nourished.  It takes time.  The payoff might be elusive, and at times, it seems like more work than what I think I might get out of it.  The result is stunted growth.  In areas of my life that should have larger, strong branches ready to bear fruit, I have puny stems with a few leaves on them.  Other branches, I have developed well, but the weight of these branches in proportion to the ones I am lacking in, makes me struggle to maintain my balance.  A proper tree spreads its branches evenly, and grows cohesively.  This allows it withstand wind storms, heavy rain, drought and hail.  When I choose to develop one area, and don't address others, I am weaking my ability to withstand adversity from the devil.  I will spend more time trying to keep upright, trying not be unrooted, trying to bend without breaking, that I lose sight of the fruit I was intended to bear, and I switch to survival mode.  The devil likes this.  I am an easy target for being a dissuaded, complacent, frustrated, tired Christian.  I am not threat.  A single storm might take me a year to recover from.  When instead, I allow each branch to be developed by God, in His time and focus on the areas he wants me to grow in, and the way in which he intends to make them grow, I am firm.  I am unshakeable.  I am mighty.  I bear a lot of fruit!  When the devil tries to attack, I don't fight with my own strength.  I allow God to easily bend and move my branches through the storm.  I maintain my balance, I maintain my peace, and most importantly I remain firmly rooted in Christ.

Bearing Fruit - Different Fruit Types
When you think about a tree that will give fruit, I usually think of an apple or pear tree.  The problem I have, is that sometimes I see a pear tree and I want it to produce apples, and sometimes I may see an apple tree that I want to produce oranges.  Of course, I am speaking spiritually.  God has created me as a special kind of tree.  I bear the most fruit when I join him in trying to bear the fruit he made me to bear.  If I was an apple tree and focused on bearing pears, I would bear very few fruit (apples) because I was so focused on trying to bear fruit that I was not created to bear.  If I accept that I am an apple tree, and focus on bearing superior apples, I may be so prolific that my branches would bend under the weight.  In additon, the number of apples would be so great, that the one harvesting may not be able to keep up!  A few apples may just drop and rot on the ground, and help to produce a new apple tree (spreading the gospel)!  If I am to bear a large quantity and great quality fruit, I need to join in God's purpose for my life, and accept who it is that He made me to be.  I also need to accept that he made others to bear other types of fruit.  Sometimes we look at others and expect them to bear fruit they were not created to bear.  We ask them to assist in projects they don't like, or don't feel especially skilled for.  We want them to act a certain way, to dress a certain way, to share the gospel a certain way, to raise thier kids a certain way, and we deny the fact that they may be created to display different fruit than we do.  In fact, their fruit is unique to them!  Just like ours, thier fruit is priceless to thier Heavenly Father, as long as they too, have recognized how God made them and have joined Him to bear the fruit He asks them to bear.

Bearing Fruit - Different Fruit Purposes
Some fruit is not intended to eat.  Or at least, not intended for fresh consumption.  Take the coffee tree.  It produces a red berry.  Inside that berry, is a seed that breaks into two halves.  These halves are roasted to create the coffee bean.  If you decided to eat a coffee berry in it's raw state, without proper preparation, you would be in for a bitter, deceptive surprise.  Don't be fooled though!  The fruit is intentional. The fruit is created well.  Don't assume it is a burden, or a waste.  From face-value, from the raw state, it may not seem useful, helpful, or a blessing, but sometimes God wants our fruit to be prepared.  He gives us fruit that takes time and energy to develop into a rich aroma!  Our fruit may be intended for a special task, that no other fruit can accomplish.  It may take special preparation.  It may take additional time.  It is worth it.  Allowing the grower (God) to harvest this fruit, to peel away the extra layers (you know - the ones that make it look nice, the layers that protect what he is really after - the treasured core, the heart of us) this pleases God! Let your fruit be useful!  Allow God to prepare it for His service, for His glory!

Lord, help me to develop slowly, and intentionally - the way you created me to be, bearing fruit that you intended for me to bear, and allowing you to develop that fruit to be used for you purpose.  Let my firm foundation be rooted in You, and let your Holy Spirit flow through me so that others may see the security of my branches and the blessings of the fruit you create, and give prasie to the glory of God!  Amen.

Deception

What if someone told you that there is a world around us, that is active, deceptive, engaged in, and infiltrating our lives.  This is not a physical world, but a spiritual one.  But don't let that decieve you.  It has more impact on your physical world than anything else.  It drives our physical world into caos.  It infiltrates our very minds, manipulating our cultures, not from a distance, but among us.  They are here. They are real.   Would you fight?  Would you stand up for what is true? What you stand up for what is right?  Would you develop a tactic to overcome your adversary? Would you unite with other people who believed in this invisible world?  Would you fight together with those that saw it for what it was?  This sounds like science fiction, like something written in the pages of a script for television.  But unlike what we see on television or read in books, this is actually REAL.......

Ephesians 6:12
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood (the physical world), but against the rulers (those attempting to control), against the authorities (those who define the rules) against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms (in the spiritual world - right among us, but unseen)."

This struggle as Paul defines it, is real.  It's not science fiction.  It is not outside my town.  I cannot operate within the confines of what I know, what I am comfortable with and escape that battle.  No, it is amoung our towns.  It is not outside our church.  In fact, our churches may be the center of the battlefields (if they are not, there may be something wrong with the church you attend).  It is not outside our circle of friends. No, the evil schemes are moving among those we love, among those we dislike, among us.  It is not outside our window.  The battle moves among our families, among our children, among our workplace.  It sits in the car with us. It lays down to sleep with us.  The battle is real.  It is constant. It is severe.  It is life and death.

Are you awake? Are you thinking of scrounging around for a defense? In this battle between the evil forces and those serving God, how do we defend ourselves?  How do we overcome something that we cannot see?  How do we begin to see or recognize the operations, motives, tactics, movements of our enemy so that we may position ourselves to withstand an attack? 

Ephesians 6:13-15
"Therefore, put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.  Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace."

Today I want to examine part one, the belt of truth:

The Belt of Truth.  What truth?   The truth of who we are in this world?  The truth of who God is?  The truth of who our adversary, Satan is?  Truth as explained by the term "Wisdom" or "Knowledge"?  Truth as explained by the term "Reality"?  Truth as defined by "right" or "wrong"?  The short answer to these questions is "yes".  Truth as defined in scripture is "that which is opposed to falsehood".  It wraps the reality of Christ, the reality of our being, the reality of the struggle with sin and good and evil in this world, all into one.  The belt of truth opposes falsehood.  It opposes falsehood in our minds - deceptive thoughts, deceptive information, deceptive philosophies.  It opposes falsehood in our world - deceptive behavior, deceptive cultures, deceptive claims such as what will being you happiness, peace, or success.  It opposes falsehood in the spiritual realm -Christ said "I am the truth".  Christians can oppose falsehoods from satan just through thier faith in Christ!  We pick up the belt of truth when we wake up in the morning, and choose to follow Christ.  We wrap it around our midsection when we read the truth of scripture, the Holy Bible.  We buckle the clasps on the belt when we let these words of scripture infiltrate our hearts and minds, transforming who were were when we were a part of the world, and who we are in Christ.  We stand firm in our faith when we remember that this belt of truth only has power when it comes from God, and not of ourselves.  To build our defense, we carry the belt of truth to others when we share the gospel with them.  Our army is built out of those who recognize this battle and prepare thier hearts and minds for warfare. We stand firm knowing the enemy's tactics, and deflecting deception when it is fired upon us.

Lord, may I stand firm today in Truth.  May I recognize this battle and fight for the souls of others.  May I develop an urgency to spare someone a single day of torment by sharing the gospel.  Lord prepare me for battle.  Give me wisdom and understanding to oppose falsehood among me.  The falsehood of our world that tells me that what I do is never good enough.  The falsehood of our world that tells me not to try.  The falsehood of our world which tries to distract me from this urgent, powerful war waging among us.  May I focus on what truly matters today Lord, and find my strength on the battlefield within your arms.  Amen.

Colossians 1:21-23

"And you were at one time strangers and enemies in your minds as expressed through your evil deeds, but now he has reconciled you by his physical body through death to present you holy, without blemish, and blameless before him - if indeed you remain in the faith, established and firm, without shifting from the hope of the gospel that you heard."

I don't know why I do the things I do.  I don't mean to, but I do them.  OK, sometimes I mean them.  But sometimes I don't.  Sometimes I want to do what is good, but keep doing what is not.  I like the first part of this scripture, which reminds up that our evil actions stem from our THOUGHTS.  That is precisely why the bible instructs us to be transformed through the renewing of our MINDS (Romans 12:2).  And how do we renew our minds? By taking captive every THOUGHT and making it obedient to Christ (1 Corinthians 10:5).  See a pattern here?  In order to accomplish God's will in our lives and to live at peace with everyone  (Romans 12:18) we must know His Word in the depths of our minds.  We must believe at the very core of our being, that this is real, that God cares for us, that Jesus pardoned us, and that the Holy Spirit works within us.  A great book on this concept is Dallas Willard's "Renovation of The Heart".  He talks about how our emotions stem from our thoughts.  Don't want to be frustrated?  THINK about something that doesn't frustrate you (perhaps the love of God even when we frustrate Him).  Have you ever had conversations with your spouses that they have never participated in?  You know the ones - you roll a situation over and over in your head, speaking for the other party.  You get more and more hurt and angry.  One day I decided to put Dallas' teaching into action.  When the situation above started to happen, I decided to think of something else.  Not only did my emotions follow my thoughts to something else, but I was shocked by the immediacy at which they followed.  The only part of me that lingered was the sin part - the part that wanted to choose to think about the situation and get angry about it.  I was shocked - you mean there is a part of me that likes to be unhappy?  What a strange realization!  Especially when I know it makes me so unhappy!  When I decided to deny that sin and change my thinking, my whole being rejoiced!  I not only spared frustration and anger for myself, but I added joy and peace to my life.  How amazing it is when the Bible proves right!  When we deny our sinful nature, the result is peace and fulfillment to our lives.  But Satan tries to convince us otherwise.  He tries to convince us that we are somehow vindicated and justified in our frustration and unhappiness, but we know the result is usually lack of fulfillment and sadness.  Oh Lord, help me to carefully choose my thoughts today.  When I am faced with difficult circumstances, let me direct those thoughts to you and your Word.  Change me from the inside, so my emotions and actions flow out of a changed mind.

The second part of this scripture deals with not only our salvation (a one-time occurance) but also our transformation (continual change).  It speaks about how Christ's death on the cross presents us:
1. Holy 
2. Without Blemish
3. Blameless before Him
But here is the amazing part - THIS IS NOT A ONE-TIME THING!  He doesn't just clean us up on the day of our salvation like a child scrubbed up for Sunday School who later plays in the mud.  He continually cleanses those who believe, those who remain in Him.  We do not have to worry about rejection over the sins we still commit.  God's love is not limited for those who believe.  BELIEVE my friend!  This is real!  This is true!

Boldly move forward today, choosing to direct your thoughts by setting your mind on things above (Colossians 3:2), and enjoy the sweet assurance of the continual cleansing you receive through your faith in Jesus Christ. ~Karen

Colossians 3:12-13

"Therefore (because of Christ we are), as the elect of God (chosen, called), holy (perfectly, honorably, spiritually pure) and dearly (precious, cherished, a high price, prized, scarce, worthy, honorable) loved (tender, passionate affection, warm personal attachment, taking great pleasure in ), clothe yourself (this is not passive - it suggests that I am actively engaged and choosing to dress myself in these things!) with a heart (the center of the personality, or emotion) of mercy (compassion, or kindly forbearance shown toward an offender, and enemy, or other person in one's power, to pardon someone, an act of kindness, - I like this one - evidence of divine favor) kindness, humility (modest opinion of one's rank, lowly, meekness, submissiveness), gentleness (amiable, mild, gradual, to millify, sooth, calm, pacify) and patience (bearing annoyance, misfortune or pain without complaint or irritation; quiet, steady perserverance), bearing with one another (supporting someone as if they depended on you - crutches come to mind) and forgiving one another (granting a pardon, cancel an indebtedness), if someone happens to have a complaint against anyone else (whether we agree with that complaint or not).  Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also forgive others."

Wow!  Here it is again with no comments:
"Therefore as the elect of God, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourself with a heart of mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if someone happens to have a complaint against anyone else. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also forgive others."

The first thing that struck me is I AM HOLY AND DEARLY LOVED! To use some of the synonymns, I am perfectly prized and someone takes great pleasure in me.  What an awesome truth!  Even when i feel most unloveable, God loves me completely. 

The second thing that struck me was the idea that we daily choose to clothe ourselves in these things.  It is not something the Holy Spirit just grants us.  It is not like I can pray, Lord, please make me patient, and boom, I am patient.  No, I think the Lord provides opportunities to learn patience or exhibit patience.  He may also through the Holy Spirit give us a heightened ability during certain situations to display character traits we may not normally be able to acurately express, but the more common form of transformation involves our action too.  We need to step forward, courageously and dress ourselves in these things in the morning, right along with our underwear. 

The third thing that struck me is the tone of our interaction that is described by this scripture.  It is not a "go in with gusto" tone.  It is a focus on others needs and emotions.  It is compassion flowing out of true love, not duty.  It is not someone being trampled on or passively interacting with the world, but someone courageously supporting someone.  The supporters' heart wants to be unnoticed, unseen, to everyone other than who they are trying to encourage.  But thier actions shout loudly because they are so unusual in the world, so foreign to the me mentality, that it can't help but draw the other person in.  It is a picture of God at work.

Lord, today help me to remember that I am holy and dearly loved by you.  Since I embrace and believe this truth, that my true value lies in that statement, I no longer have to pacify my insecurities by looking for reassurance from others.  I can stop focusing on myself and my needs, and focus on those of others.  I can demonstrate mercy, humility, gentleness, and patience - those same taits you demonstrate to me.  Lord, help me to allow you be my teacher.  As the pupil, help me study what this looks like by reading your word, and seeing how you have demonstrated it to other Christians in the past.  As the student, help me to put into practice what I learn.

May the Holy SPirit encourage you today and everyday as we go on to fight the battle being waged around us.  Remember we are not of this world.  The weapons we fight with are not of this world.  They have the Divine power to demolish strongholds.  I feel strong knowing that God will supply my weapons, and train me how to use them.  I only need to be willing.  ~Karen

Trusting in God

"Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God." ~ Psalm 20:7

If you would have quoted this verse to me one week ago, I would have told you I had never heard it. The Bible says that the Holy Spirit will guide and instruct us, and this week, the Holy Spirit had something to say to me! I heard this verse quoted or saw it written at least four times in the last week! When I mentioned this to my husband, he quickly replied - "It looks like God's trying to tell you something." So I have pondered this short and simple verse, meditating on its meaning and attempting to understand just what it is I am supposed to learn from it. Below is a brief analysis of my conclusion:

Some Trust in Chariots
A chariot was used in ancient times many times in battle or during a race. The rider would stand on the platform in the middle, with the wheel on the outside, and hold the reins of the horse pulling the chariot. The chariot itself was man-made, put together piece by piece by a craftsman. It might provide additional protection for the rider, as in the course of battle. Or it may also offer prestige with decadent decorations displaying the wealth of the owner. Just as ancient poeple trusted in chariots during the race or battle, today, people may also trust in "chariots" through the race course of life. These "chariots" are man-made things. They might be a home, a car, jewlery, toys, or many other items. They may believe that these items offer protection from life's battles. They give them a false hope of security, power, and comfort. These people take good care of their "chariots", they wash them on Sundays, they enter them in parades, they invite others to tour them, they lock them in safes. These "chariots" offer a ride through this life that is filled with the potholes of "never enough", the one-way road to "burdened", and the intersection where the roads of "one more", "bigger is better", "If I only had" and "one day" all meet. This chariot will carry the rider somewhere, but they never end up where they wanted to go.

Some Trust in Horses
In ancient times, the horse would be hitched to the chariot. The horse would have a bit attached to reins, and the chariot rider would steer the horse to make the chariot go where he wanted it to go. The horse had to be powerful to pull the weight of the chariot and to maintain endurance for the race or the battle. A good horse could make or break the outcome. The rider depended on the horse to pull the chariot. Without the horse, the rider would be a sitting duck for the enemy. The rider needed a horse who was not afraid to go into battle, or who would put forth the extra energy to win a race. The rider could not control the horses' internal desire to perform. The created horse itself would need to provide that security to the rider. Just as the rider was dependent upon the horse, people today put their trust in created things, things they cannot control. They look to the created world to offer them purpose and meaning. They let others guide thier path, and assume that this life on earth is all that matters, all that is eternal. They let their natural feelings and emotions take them where they want to go. The riders do not direct their lives with reins, but instead, they say, we should do what feels good, we should go where our internal desires take us. They trust in the things they see around them, and get advice and direction from the world.

But We Trust in the Name of the Lord Our God
So where does a Christian put their trust? Not in the chariot, the man-made item which could fall apart at any time. And not in the creature or the created things. A christian rider who is running the race of life places their trust in the Lord. The chariot we ride is not adorned with jewels and pearls, but it moves well, and smoothly among life's trials, safely keeping the rider on course. The chariot is the Word of God, offering us truth to stand on, a strong foundation. Like the worldly rider, the christian rider's chariot offers protection from the enemy. When faced with adversity, our chariot (the Word) delivers peace in the midst of battle, and encouragement through the race of life. Unlike the worldly rider and his horse, the christian rider does not fight with the reins, pulling the bit in the horse's mouth to direct the path of the chariot. No, the christian rider holds tightly to the reins, and allows the Holy Spirit to guide them. It is a peaceful ride, full of joy, even while facing much adversity. While the worldly rider goes through the race focused on manuevering his chariot, the christian rider is free to enjoy the journey, resting in the knowledge that the Holy Spirit will guide their path, and the burden will be light.

So the question remains, where do you place your trust?

While some may trust in man-made chariots, and others in the worldly horse, I will trust in the name of the Lord my God! ~Karen

Our Creator

I have been pondering this post for a while, and trying to find the time to write it down. A few weeks ago, we began to have snowfall that stuck. Returning from Thanksgiving vacation in Ariziona to a snowy wonderland, sure made it feel like Christmas. It was almost magical, a sense of peace and serenity in the stillness of winter. Immediately the verse: "The heavens declare the glory of God" (Psalm 19:1) came to mind. Ususally, when I think of that scripture I remember it as a proof that God exists. In my mind, I pair it with Romans 1:20 "For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse." This verse argues that we cannot deny that God exists, because it is clearly seen in creation all around us. I still agree with this original use of these scriptures, but I found myself wandering to another understanding.

This time, God seemed to plant on my heart, that the "glory of God" described in the Psalms not only has to do with the fact that He exists and created everything, but that Creation itself reflects the very nature of God. As I meditated on this perspective, I found the following applications delightfully revealing, and they cause me to stare in amazement at our creation in a new way. These are not new attributes to God. In fact, they are the common ones you may hear many times throughout the year. The actual attributes are not what encouraged me, but the fact that Creation reveals to us that they are true. Here are a few examples of the nature of God as described through Creation:

1. God enjoys creativity - one only has to look around to see that God is creative. He could have had one season but he chose four. Wouldn't one type of grass been sufficient? How about one type of beetle or worm? No, God wanted variety. He wanted to be creative. Thus, His Creation demonstrates his creativity. Is it any wonder that man, who is made in the image of God enjoys variety and creativity?

2. God holds all wisdom and knowledge - It would be impossible for Bill Gates to make a computer accomplish a task that he did not instruct it to do. The computer (or the creation) cannot hold attributes that it's creator does not possess. Obviously, even the most astute wisdom and deep knowledge cannot be greater than that of God's, for He created us. All of the scientific discoveries we have yet to make are known deeply by God. As humans, we have the tendency to think we are smarter than God. We think that we understand things better than He may. We decide that our method to resolve an issue makes more semse than His way. But we forget that our Lord knows everything, He possesses unlimited knowledge and wisdom. Relinquishing to his will is not surrendering to a weaker body, but allowing His wisdom and Grace to get it right the first time, without us getting in the way.

3. God is systematic, organized, disciplined - Look at nature around you! The various systems and processes are unbelieveable! Photosynthesis, seasons, tides, digestion, reproduction, muscular, erosion, volcanic, techtonics, weather patterns, solar systems, pollination, etc. These just name a few! God gave us the moon and sun, which follows a simple pattern that allows us to understand time. Can you imagine if this was an erratic event? What if we were not sure when it would be light again, or when it may be night? The systems He produced tell us that He is systematic! That he values consistency and order. "For God is not a God of disorder but of peace" (I Corinthians 14:33). In fact, disorder is associated with evil! "For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice (James 3:16).

4. God experiences every emotion we can imagine - I could not create a painting unless I had possesion of the paint and paintbrush to apply to the canvas. In the same way, God has to be able to experience every emotion we ourselves posses. How could God give us the feeling of frustration if He himself had no idea what that was? No, God must possess those things which He has created in us. Although, we do need to remember that God gave us free will, as He has free will. However, he chooses righteousness and grace, and we choose sin. The sin in us is not the result of humans demonstrating the nature of God, but rather opposing and turning away from His nature, to the nature of evil. This comes from the Devil. We can rejoice though, for Christ has overcome this sinful nature! "Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God. You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you."(Romans 8:8-9)

5. God has power over life and death - When a flower blooms and dies, the life and death process itself must be contained within the power of God Himself. For how could God create life which dies unless He also could shut down life at his discretion. The systems that he creates such as the life systems demand that He holds the power over every step in that process. Therefore, He must have power over all life to bring living creatures and plants to life, but He must also have power over death to determine their lifespan. How much more can we believe in Christ's power over the cross, since it is confirmed daily, hourly, by the second in creation all around us??

So you see, Romans 1:19-20 "The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of men who suppress the truth by their wickedness, since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse" takes on a whole new meaning too. Of course there is no excuse if we see the very nature of God all around us, in the simplest considerations of the creation! If we deny the Glory of God, His very attributes, revealed in this creation, how can we have any excuses? It is PLAIN to us! I am so glad that God made it plain to me, how everything around us shows how clearly we are created by our spiritual father, in the image of Him, with attributes granted through His power alone. How refreshing is the confidence and revealing truth God gave us, demonstrated through His creation. May you be mystified by the very nature of God revealed in creation. Love in Christ, Karen